©2019 by Malachite Contessa. 

  • Malachite Contessa

Lupus as a blessing

I am airing out that I am grateful for the circumstances that I am in. If not for my heart breaking miscarriages, It'll be too late for me on my Lupus diagnosis. Yes the disease progression speeds up as the months go by but if It was undetected, my life is hanging on the thread and we will never know what hit me. I see Lupus not a disease but a blessing. Blessing in a way that I began to spend quality time with my loved ones, start the hobbies I really wanted to do and slow down. I used to be workaholic and all that matters to me was money and prestige. I realized upon seeing fellow lupus warriors, no matter how much money, medication, treatments they have, no matter how powerful their will and minds are, once the body fails, you are gone. I don't want to live with regrets, I don't want to experience how dying people say on their deathbed "I wish I had...., I wish I wad able to...I wish I had spent more time with my family, travelling, etc." It is also a blessing because I realized I get better in cooking healthy meals with the fact that I hate cooking. I am now mindful of what I eat and what I put in and out of my body and make sure that they are organic and natural. I learned how to drink water and avoid too much sugar and salt and sunlight as those are some of the major triggers of a flare up. Whenever I suffer from flare ups, I learn to slow down, grin and bear, wear make up so that people won't realize that i am in pain and very pale. When emotions get the better of me, I now allow myself to cry, be angry and meditate. I used to hide my emotions but after my diagnosis, I realized that my emotional wellbeing can also trigger flare up due to stress so I need to be mindful of my reactions to different stimulus. I LEARNED TO FORGIVE OTHERS AND MOST ESPECIALLY, MYSELF. I am also grateful that my family, friends, managers and people I work with who constantly reminds me that I matter most especially when I have flare ups and depression. I am not ashamed to say that I am depressive but I manage it with biofeedback therapy, NeuroLinguistic Programming and support groups. My body is failing, that is a fact, but this situation drives me to push myself into living life to the fullest, because a time will come that there will be no buts and all and there will be no time out. Slow, baby steps, live life to the fullest but not the YOLO type. Life is the longest journey and we don't want to be caught unaware by doing YOLO.